Today wake up very early because I have to go to school. What a tired morning. Feel like sticking on the bed. Don't feel like going to school. Once I go to school I can feel the stress again. Holiday passed so fast. I wish to have extra holiday. Anyway there's no use to have extra. It will just waste my time. I don't have much time now. Teacher going to start those form 5 work and I don't even understand the form 4 works yet. 2010 will be a tough year for ME. I'm not going to waste anytime anymore. There's no time for me to waste. I must DO well in my spm. It's very important for my future. My future will depends on it(I hope I meant it and prove it.LOL) Today go to school kinda boring. Teacher is not teaching at all Just give us some brife about our school rules and fees. But one thing make me feel like going to school is MY friendss ! I miss them very much. I think they will be the one who support me from dying in a bored. I want a tuition class now ! I need some extra class to help me with my account, bm,sejarah and math. HELP ! I think tuition will be my hero for NOW. =) Hope to find one as fast as possible. What I will be doing tonight? hmmm..... I think I will be staying at home. =( Staying at home practicing my piano I think. There's no where to go. Friends all working. No one accompany. Only my lil evil sis will accompany. It must be fun playing with her tonight. Hope she's not busy with her story books or her note book tonight. =D Tommorrow will be 2010. My form 4 year pass so fast. I can't believe I'm form 5 tommorrow. I'm gonna miss my form 4 year. I'm sure form 5 year will be more tough and stress. Expecially those assignment that I have to do. I can't imagine that ! NONONONO. I will just need some support and help from my friends . <3>
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
30th of December 2009
I thought you are different from others. I thought you will understand me. Now i know you are just the same. I'm so damn useless. Why am I so stupid? Cry for YOU. Im also mad of myself because of you . When I'm crying I think you are having a happy hour with your friends. Talking jokes and everything bout somebody. When I know you are this kind of person I really can't believe myself anymore. I feel so disappointed. Remember what you told me? You said" Now you know how I feel when my ex break with me." This word make me feel dying ! I feel like I had been played by someone I TRUST. They are just taking the revenge from a stupid girl and that girl will definetly ME. After you telling those words You know I'm actually crying hardly in an empty room. I don't even know why I feel like crying. Am I crying for myself or for HIM or for those memory we did. I dont know what I should do or said on that time. My friends are all trying to comfort me BUT im sorry to said Im actually are NOT ok ! Im tryng to show my smiley face to all my friends BUT the truth is IM really sad . Whatever you did I dont even blame you. Sorry can make all changes?? If sorry can stick back my heart I'm sure i dont feel this now and I don't care how a guy broke my heart cause sorry can make changes. BUT now NO ! It can't ! You didn't think bout me before , IM sure. You just think bout yourself. When the time you said you wanna break with me I agree with you not because of myself or what. Is because I don't want you to do your best in your SPM. You told me your mom is pushing you to break with me. FINE . I let you go. I know you had working very hard to do well in SPM and that's the only reason make me agree to do this decision. I just don't wanna ask any question anymore although I had a lot to ask on that time. Now you are happy. But do you ever think how I feel? NO. And I don't mind anymore from now on. Go back to your happy day and don't ever ask me bout how's my life cause my answer will make you upset. Don't ever ! You keep saying "forget bout me". Said it is really easy for you. BUT for me is a really hard job ! I had try it for so many times. Everyday keep telling myself but IT really hard. You don't have to worry anymore. I will just forget bout you in one minute from now on. So plssss Go back to your happy life. Don't come and judge me anymore. I don't want questions . Don't ask anymore !
Tuesday 29 Dec 2009
Today my BOY is coming back from singapore. Miss him very much ! =) But too bad he stop at Melaka. He will be coming back to Penang on the 1st of January. That means I can only meet him next year. =( When im messaging him justnow. I were thinking, did he really understand me? Did he take this relationship serious? Sometimes he's matured in thinking and sometimes he's kinda playful. However,I will just count this relationship as a Serious. Cause I love him before. He's one of my admire since form 1. Anyway I hope i will meet him soon. This evening I'm kinda angry with my mom. I keep asking myself this question and this make me feel sad and angry. I asked" Why did my mom care for my sis more than me?" Whatever my sis wanna do she will just go asap and for me I need to wait,wait and wait. At last the answer will be NO or maybe she will suddenly change her mine. One thing i understand. My sis is much smarter than me but sometimes she's kinda unfair. I don't want a Unfair mother. I want a mother to be fair. She can let me do whatever I want. Everytime I wanna ask my dad bout whatever activities I wanna join, he will just said "ask your mom" and my mom will mostly said NO. She keep craping bout my sis tuition. She don't even think bout my tuition. DONT even ask. School gonna re-open next week and Im already form 5 . Spm is getting near, don't she want me to get prepare now? My sis is going to be form 1 and she care for her more than me? It makes me feel sad and unfair. I really know why he care for my sis. Because my sis get St.George school. Right. It's a famous school. So what? Im also his daughter. Dont she care for me?? =(
Monday, December 28, 2009
My love one. <3
This guy had broke my heart a month ago before his spm exam. I always think that izit fate make us be together or what? I always wish that it was Fate. I met him many times before but why can't I know that he will be someone special one day? When the time he propose to me I was really Stunned. I ask myself, Why would he chosen me as his special one? Why not other girls? I had never think bout him as my special one. I dont even want him at first. BUT in only one word he make me accepted him. That is " I had never feel for this for so long after my ex and now i fall for you". I feel like giving him a chance even though I dont like him that much that time. He told me he will be going to overseas next year and I think this love wont last long. I can't believe after our first date, I fall for him deeper and deeper. There's no guys win my love and attention before. He's the first one and he's the only one. Even he's not that good looking person I can't believe I like him so much after our few dates. One of the reason I like him so much is because he never lie to ME. He's toooo honest to me. I had never met a guy like this before. Most of the guy will just tell lies cause they dont wanna hurt their girlfriend. Although he hurt me that much when he's with me . I don't feel angry bout him cause he honest to me. I can just stand it when he hurt me but after the end of our relationship I feel I can't stand the Hurt anymore. That hurt im taking it alone. Is really diferent from the time we take it together. Im all alone. I miss him every minute and every seconds. Whatever I do it will remind me of HIM. The hurt is getting worst when I think of it. My tears will flow through my cheek everytime i think of those memory we had. The memories bout me and him is tooo much ! I can't just forget in one second,one day nor one month. It takes time and the time must be very very long. Everyday im telling myself to be tough but I can't do it. I can only show to people that im happy. Actually the truth is Im NOT happy at all ! In my heart there's a BIG hole and it keep bleeding non stop. Every moment I see him I know I can look at him too long cause the hole of my heart will be more worst. I feel like meeting him but im also scared meeting him. He's just still in my heart. The worst thing I need to face in MY life. <3
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